“Control What You Can Control” — The Quiet Reset That Stopped My Spirals

Controlling what we can control

As a recovering overthinker who used to go down spirals that would put some of the wackiest story writers (including myself) to shame, whenever something used to trigger my stress, I would experience breakdowns that would essentially paralyze me from taking any action and just stewing in my thoughts.

What started as a passing thought would snowball into a full-blown breakdown—not the loud kind, but the kind that leaves you frozen.

Trapped in your mind.

Too overwhelmed to act.

Too tangled in “what ifs” to breathe.

One of the biggest things that helped me was simply asking myself - Is this something I can control?

I know it sounds dumb and cliched, too simple, too obvious. But asking this question led to stopping the spiral in its tracks.

Because, as it turned out, most of what I was panicking about—wasn’t mine to fix.

Other people’s reactions? Not mine.

Unexpected delays? Not mine.

Every possible worst-case scenario I could dream up? Definitely not mine.

And I know that can feel a little scary, but at the same time, it removed the weight of the pressure I was putting on myself, and helped me focus on what I could do.

The things that I could actually control, I could take action steps and plan to ensure that I achieve whatever ideal end result I have in my mind.

If during the planning session, I encountered situations that weren't in my control, the same question of "Is this something I can control?", would help me reset and focus my time and energy on things I could actually work on.

A Tiny Shift with Massive Impact

Now, whenever I feel myself start to spiral, I gently ask:

“Is this something I can control?”

And if that doesn’t land, I soften it further:

“What in this situation is mine to hold?”

“What is a small, grounded step I can take?”

Sometimes that step is sending a message.

Sometimes it’s closing the laptop and taking a walk.

Sometimes, it’s doing nothing—because the answer is, “This isn’t mine right now.”

And that’s okay.

Stress isn’t always about the intensity—it’s about the pressure we put on ourselves to fix everything, anticipate everything, control everything.

But we’re not meant to carry it all.

This Isn’t About Avoidance. It’s About Anchoring.

This one question isn’t a magical solution. But it’s a powerful anchor—a way to come back to yourself when everything feels messy.

You don’t have to figure it all out. You just have to figure out what’s yours. And let the rest be what it is.

If you’ve been spiraling lately, maybe this question can be your reset, too. Try it. No pressure. Just curiosity.

Let me know how it lands.